I am a sufferer of bi-polar disorder. About two years ago I came to the point of realisation that the drastic swings from super happy to super depressed were far from normal. It had gotten to the point where it was affecting my life and I couldnt take the uncertainty anymore. So I bit the bullet (with a much needed push from my sister) and went to seek professional help.
Needless to say, I was prescribed medication and have been taking it daily for the past two years. The problem is, I never really did any research about my illness nor the medication I was taking. I was just so releaved to have a solution and actually feel normal that I did not really think to find anything more out. All I needed to know was that it worked. For some time however, about 5 or 6 months, I have had this feeling of slight depression. It is not like the old days where is was all consuming - keeping me in bed all day, crying uncontrollably for no particular reason and taking weeks at a time off work. I just have the overall sense of discontentment, even though everything in my life is the best it has ever been. I have a loving partner who takes care of me, understands my condition and loves me anyway. We both bring in a decent income and recently purchased an apartment together. I work a fairly easy, non-stressful job and will soon start part time college to become qualified in the field that I am really passionate about. We dont struggle financially, we have very little debt, we live in a pleasant suburb in a nice building. I love playing the role of housewife for the first time. All in all, life is peachy. And yet, I am not enjoying it one bit.
It seems that I have a constant feeling of bitterness, resentment and anger. I try to pick fights with my partner over petty things, and get off on the resulting arguments. I hate everything about having to go to work each day, from the seemingly endless amount of annoying people who catch my train in the morning to having to indulge in small talk with co-workers. I get wound up worrying about petty things, and keep getting obsessively fixated on new ideas, only for them to fizzle out as quickly as they came to mind. I find it hard to focus on what I want to do with myself and my time. If I find a hobby I think I might enjoy, I try to do it to perfection and then get so scared of not doing it right, that I think forget it and move onto the next crazy notion. I long to simplify my life and appreciate what Ive got, I am sick of looking like an ungrateful cow with a constant scowl on her face.
So, I have slowly started to take care of this situation. It started with a training course I did through work about mood disorders (I work in Clinical Research) and now I want more education. Ive been researching my condition, as well as my medication, via the net and have learned a few interesting things already. And now its time to start reassessing my life and how I live it. It is important to me to feel normal, to enjoy the journey of life and all the trappings that go with it. I no longer want to get worked up and way, way ahead of myself. This is my plan for 2008;
1. Regulate my sleeping pattern by going to bed each night at 10:30pm and rising at 6:00am, each and every day of the week.
This is particularly important considering that theories abound that mood/bi-polar disorders may be linked to sleep cycles (hence the reason manic depressives suffer from both insomnia and hypersomnia).
2. Maintain a constant fitness level by exercising each day, for at least an hour.
The overall feeling of wellness that comes from regular exercise will be important to keep my mood elevated.
3. Lose this weight.
Many sufferers of bi-polar also suffer from very low self-esteem, which impacts greatly on the already sensitive reaction to depression. Right now I am overweight and uncomfortable with myself. I think getting to the healthy size that I am most comfortable with is going to make a big difference to that nagging depressive feeling that wont bugger off.
4. Simplify.
As Leo often states, I have to simplify. This is not about my life as I live pretty simply already, it is all about simplifying what is going on in my head. I need to learn to worry less and STOP OVER ANALYSING!
These are the goals I have set myself for now. I am sure as I learn more about coping with my condition I will come up with more ideas. At the moment I do not want to go down the path of more or altered medication. I am trying my best to avoid that option by trying these natural methods before I go and pay a visit to the psych. Its all well and good to suggest taking some anti-depressants in conjunction with my current medication, but Id rather see if I can help myself before I go there.
Thanks for reading my rambling everyone. It sure helps to write this all down. And if anyone out there is in the same boat as me, or knows of any good suggestion for living with bi-polar, please feel free to pass the knowledge on.
Page
1
posts 1–5 of 5
+0
permalink
+0
permalink
I don't have any advice for you, just best wishes. I admire your attitude, and just wanted to say good luck! Your plan sounds excellent.
+0
permalink
I am also bipolar. I unlike you am not on medication currently or seeking professional help. I understand all of the things you have said. I've been there. Partially there right now. LOL My house is turned upside down right now because I'm so manic at the moment. I'm not the "scowling" girl anymore though. That left when I realized how important my faith was in my life.
My advice to you. Live each day like it's a new day, because it is. You can't do anything to change the past. It's gone and today is a fresh start. Wake up each morning with the sun and think about how fresh and new the morning is. Also, train yourself to change the way you think. That's a biggie.
As far as meds, which meds are you one? The one and only time I was on meds I was put on depakote and seroquel. The doctor quadrupaled my dosage in 14 days. When I told his office I was having tremors, I was told to stop taking it. Thank God I had researched the meds and slowly got off them. I don't like doctors. Most of them freak me out unless I really trust them. Also I can't afford the cost right now. My insurance doesn't cover much in mental health. I self medicate with L-Theanin, Omega 3-6-9, and lots of love. lol My son and boyfriend are great motivators in my life. Also I am blessed with an amazing lab. He was tested and trained to be a hearing dog. I got him into that, but he decided to not be a hearing dog so he had to come back home. It turns out he's an emo dog. LOL When I'm depressed he knows it and nudges me until I love all over him. He's one of my biggest supporters through life.
Right now my rambling probably isn't much help. I've been overly manic for about a week now, so I can't focus on anything very well. I guess you need to figure out what is causing your resentment, bitterness, and anger. You need to release whatever power it's holding on you.
I had a question for you too. Do you have any anxiety disorders along with your bipolar? I've been having random tingling in my face and hands for a long time, plus tunnel vision and once I actually blacked out. I haven't had it in about a year and this past year I've been having small chest pains. About a week ago I had it bad enough my boyfriend asked it I wanted him to take me to the hospital. I was talking to a lady at work who said it's anxiety. She said she has it too but takes meds for it. Do you have these or similar things? It wouldn't surprise me if I did though. I have OCD which is an anxiety disorder. LOL
My advice to you. Live each day like it's a new day, because it is. You can't do anything to change the past. It's gone and today is a fresh start. Wake up each morning with the sun and think about how fresh and new the morning is. Also, train yourself to change the way you think. That's a biggie.
As far as meds, which meds are you one? The one and only time I was on meds I was put on depakote and seroquel. The doctor quadrupaled my dosage in 14 days. When I told his office I was having tremors, I was told to stop taking it. Thank God I had researched the meds and slowly got off them. I don't like doctors. Most of them freak me out unless I really trust them. Also I can't afford the cost right now. My insurance doesn't cover much in mental health. I self medicate with L-Theanin, Omega 3-6-9, and lots of love. lol My son and boyfriend are great motivators in my life. Also I am blessed with an amazing lab. He was tested and trained to be a hearing dog. I got him into that, but he decided to not be a hearing dog so he had to come back home. It turns out he's an emo dog. LOL When I'm depressed he knows it and nudges me until I love all over him. He's one of my biggest supporters through life.
Right now my rambling probably isn't much help. I've been overly manic for about a week now, so I can't focus on anything very well. I guess you need to figure out what is causing your resentment, bitterness, and anger. You need to release whatever power it's holding on you.
I had a question for you too. Do you have any anxiety disorders along with your bipolar? I've been having random tingling in my face and hands for a long time, plus tunnel vision and once I actually blacked out. I haven't had it in about a year and this past year I've been having small chest pains. About a week ago I had it bad enough my boyfriend asked it I wanted him to take me to the hospital. I was talking to a lady at work who said it's anxiety. She said she has it too but takes meds for it. Do you have these or similar things? It wouldn't surprise me if I did though. I have OCD which is an anxiety disorder. LOL
+0
permalink
[color=olive:f0a1ae007d][/color:f0a1ae007d]Shalom, I just joined Zen Habits today and seen your post. I was diagnosed being bipolar some years ago, but lived in denial of it till several months ago when I read up on Bipolar mania and found it all to relate to me. I flushed all my medicine down the toilet in frustration as none of them seem to work and I have taken a ton. Plus I feel I have had it all these years and it is a part of who I am. Also, I was born with arthritis, fibromyalgia, and a plethro of other problems including phobias such as of people (namely men folk whom scare me to death usually). I was sexually abused after my Mother died, which has GREATLY messed me up and that is another problem in and of itself. Yes I see a couselor, no she doesn't help me much on that. It is hard to talk about yet. I am divorced from my boys father and am on SSI.I am a good hearted person and want to do so many things with my life but none of it seems to work out for me. I live as a recluse most days and only go out when necessary. The outside world is so scary to me. During one of my up times I had a notion to write a book on my favorite subject: English rock and roll bands that came out in the 1960's and early 70's. Then during another high time of my mania I decide that writing it calligraphy would look REALLY cool, so I took that up too and REALLY love it, but have a long way to go before I am any good at it. Do any of you with bipolar feel more creative when you are in the mania part of it? I am really trying to keep myself together for my kids sake ( I have three sons)but most days are so hard. If I was married I would be a homemaker but now I am pathetic and have no future as far as the rest of the World can see, but I want to finish my high school (I only have Biology to complete with the school I am enrolled with) and do something great like getting good at calligraphy and do something there, you know? I am in need of a kind ear and heart to confide in and get worthwhile advice from so if any of you could PLEASE tell me what can I do to not be so pathetic in my life? I had such serious thoughts of suicide in september that I ended up in the hospital for three and a half days. I know that is NO solution and I want to live. PLEASE if anyone has any good and kind advice on this I would LOVE to hear!!! I feel for anyone who is bipolar, it is hellish. Does anyone know if there are any Herbal medicines for bipolar? Well I shall stop my ranting for now, sorry for carrying on. Glad to be here and hope to meet you all! Shalom!
+0
permalink
Hello fellow geniuses :) . I am currently reading an awesome book on the subject of creativity as it relates to bipolar disorder. I've gone through various diagnosis(es) as the wind blows with new research, always funded by drug companies. I see a wonderful psychiatrist regularily, and have done now for 24 years. She saved my life by getting me on Effexor Xr for my depression about 11 years ago. Clonazapam for anxiety which I now only take to sleep at night. Another disorder I developed about 8 years ago was restless legs. It's got to the point where I am on Mirapex - a drug given to people with Parkinson's Disease.
All of this medication messes up your liver. Thus at 41 I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease and early osteopenia (precursor to osteoporosis). By 51 I had Osteoarthritis. At the time I was working in visual merchandising, a very physical job, up and down ladders doing "display" for a big box store. I had to give that up as I couldn't keep up, and that really blew a whole in my self esteem (read deep dark depression).
In early October I seem to need to increase my medication. I've held off for several years only to be plagued by constant thoughts of death, suicide and dying. I have two different "lamps" specifically to treat SADS, but a couple of years ago developed Macular Degeneration, with dry drusen, which can end in blindness at the extreme. Both of my parents are in their late 80's, and neither of them has the level of arthritis or mac degen that I do. Go figure!
I've attempted to stave off the development of the eye problems with juicing. Every day or two, I juice 2 or 3 carrots with a beet, ginger and anise; sometimes I add fresh pineapple, an apple, whatever. In tests done at my Naturopathic doctors, and my chiropractor, I have maintained a very high anti-oxident, free-radical-free level. I also take some supplements from them for pain in my joints, EFA, B vitamins, etc. Digestive enzymes before I eat ANY cooked food. This helps with the liver distress that I frequently wake up with.
It's a vicious circle. I need the meds for the depression, love the "highs" that come with my condition, and try to be as productive as I can when I'm in that state. You all seem to know about exercise helping, so all I can add to that is that I also was SO active up until my 40's, that when I slowed down a little, the weight piled on. My GP had warned me about this, and I couldn't believe it. Also an "all or nothing" kind of girl, my biggest challenge has been to go at anything with a moderate approach. I set my sights too high at every juncture. And therefore set myself up for failure.
I abused myself with recreational drugs when I was in my late teens, early 20s. I have no way of knowing if that scrambled some more brain cells - the depression precedes that time by about 10 years. All I know is that when my doctor (shrink) and I were going through drug trials for a couple of years to find the right "coctail" for me, there were drugs that were relatively benign to other people that actually made me psychotic. One was Wellbutrin.
There is so little known about the brain. I find my disease changes and medications react differently as the years go by. I used to be plagued with panic attacks, which hardly ever happens now. I have tried to wean myself off my meds, and it just isn't an option. Likewise, so called natural treatments for depression have devastating results with me. There's a new drug out that has just become available in Canada that my doctor would like to try me on, but I have to get myself down to 150 mg of EffexorXR first. I'm on 262.5mg.
I've tried to find others with similar "side effects" (let's not even get into lowered libido!), and obviously we're all different and have different manifestations of both the disease and reactions to meds. I'm unfortunately now at the point where the good that the meds has done is, I suspect, starting to "wear off". And my psychiatrist wants to RETIRE!! :lol:
I just joined ZenHabits, another long story about my circumstances, but couldn't resist responding to this post that I just found. It feels that our lot in life is a little more challenging. I'm perceived by those around me as alternating between brilliant, with endless energy and potential, to lazy, unreliable and unfocussed at the other end of the spectrum. It's difficult to figure out who you are. Hard to live with on both sides of the mirror.
Let's share some more of our challenges with hope to simplifying our lives.
Joclelain
All of this medication messes up your liver. Thus at 41 I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease and early osteopenia (precursor to osteoporosis). By 51 I had Osteoarthritis. At the time I was working in visual merchandising, a very physical job, up and down ladders doing "display" for a big box store. I had to give that up as I couldn't keep up, and that really blew a whole in my self esteem (read deep dark depression).
In early October I seem to need to increase my medication. I've held off for several years only to be plagued by constant thoughts of death, suicide and dying. I have two different "lamps" specifically to treat SADS, but a couple of years ago developed Macular Degeneration, with dry drusen, which can end in blindness at the extreme. Both of my parents are in their late 80's, and neither of them has the level of arthritis or mac degen that I do. Go figure!
I've attempted to stave off the development of the eye problems with juicing. Every day or two, I juice 2 or 3 carrots with a beet, ginger and anise; sometimes I add fresh pineapple, an apple, whatever. In tests done at my Naturopathic doctors, and my chiropractor, I have maintained a very high anti-oxident, free-radical-free level. I also take some supplements from them for pain in my joints, EFA, B vitamins, etc. Digestive enzymes before I eat ANY cooked food. This helps with the liver distress that I frequently wake up with.
It's a vicious circle. I need the meds for the depression, love the "highs" that come with my condition, and try to be as productive as I can when I'm in that state. You all seem to know about exercise helping, so all I can add to that is that I also was SO active up until my 40's, that when I slowed down a little, the weight piled on. My GP had warned me about this, and I couldn't believe it. Also an "all or nothing" kind of girl, my biggest challenge has been to go at anything with a moderate approach. I set my sights too high at every juncture. And therefore set myself up for failure.
I abused myself with recreational drugs when I was in my late teens, early 20s. I have no way of knowing if that scrambled some more brain cells - the depression precedes that time by about 10 years. All I know is that when my doctor (shrink) and I were going through drug trials for a couple of years to find the right "coctail" for me, there were drugs that were relatively benign to other people that actually made me psychotic. One was Wellbutrin.
There is so little known about the brain. I find my disease changes and medications react differently as the years go by. I used to be plagued with panic attacks, which hardly ever happens now. I have tried to wean myself off my meds, and it just isn't an option. Likewise, so called natural treatments for depression have devastating results with me. There's a new drug out that has just become available in Canada that my doctor would like to try me on, but I have to get myself down to 150 mg of EffexorXR first. I'm on 262.5mg.
I've tried to find others with similar "side effects" (let's not even get into lowered libido!), and obviously we're all different and have different manifestations of both the disease and reactions to meds. I'm unfortunately now at the point where the good that the meds has done is, I suspect, starting to "wear off". And my psychiatrist wants to RETIRE!! :lol:
I just joined ZenHabits, another long story about my circumstances, but couldn't resist responding to this post that I just found. It feels that our lot in life is a little more challenging. I'm perceived by those around me as alternating between brilliant, with endless energy and potential, to lazy, unreliable and unfocussed at the other end of the spectrum. It's difficult to figure out who you are. Hard to live with on both sides of the mirror.
Let's share some more of our challenges with hope to simplifying our lives.
Joclelain
Page
1
posts 1–5 of 5
This Topic Is Locked To Guest Posts
It's been a while since this topic was active, if you'd like to get it going again, please post as a registered member
