Ending a relationship - building on a wave of motivation

Is this truely momentum? or denial?

-"UPC_Head"

Only you can answer that, I think.

I've had a similar experience. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I'm not sure if I had extra motivation, or just a lot of extra time, but I was able to focus more on my own personal goals. Best of wishes to you.

When I broke up with my ex-fiance, I felt a HUGE surge of motivation. I wanted to get out and make myself a better, stronger person and I felt like I could only do that single. I also felt like if I kept myself focused on my goals I wouldn't fall into an emotional rut. I didn't want an emotional rut and I wanted to just grow.

Is it possible that your ex held back your motivation?

When I broke up with my ex-fiance, I felt a HUGE surge of motivation. I wanted to get out and make myself a better, stronger person and I felt like I could only do that single. I also felt like if I kept myself focused on my goals I wouldn't fall into an emotional rut. I didn't want an emotional rut and I wanted to just grow.

Is it possible that your ex held back your motivation?

-"sarasnee"

Wow, thanks for this note.. I'm feeling exactly the same way right now.
I don't think she held back my motivation, but instead of focusing on the relationship, I'm focusing on me.

My question for you is: did this last a long time and help your develop new patterns of living? Or was it a short-lived reactionary burst?

My question for you is: did this last a long time and help your develop new patterns of living? Or was it a short-lived reactionary burst?

-"UPC_Head"

Actually, it did. This only happened last September, but since then I've kept up with a number of things I couldn't be motivated to do before. The first thing was motivating myself to stop looking at yoga mats and gear and actually buy some, and USE it. I found out doing yoga, even sporadically, made me more focused, determined, and confident. I focused on being a stronger and more confident person, it was kind of like my mantra. Since it happened, several small habits have come and gone, but the habit-forming habit (lol) is still there and I'm still motivated.

I loved that I could be a happier and stronger person on my OWN without someone I was depending on. It was really healthy for me, so yeah, it wasn't short-lived! I even got a new boyfriend in December (he's awesome), but I've kept up the independence and motivation. I also learned a lot about controlling my anxiety and overcame some of my issues with eating. lol. Yay for breaking up!

I made efforts to keep it from being short-lived I think. It could have easily been short-lived, to the point where when I realized I wasn't going to have an emotional break down, I could have stopped with the positive habits and motivation. But I didn't. It all reminded me to put myself first because you need to have some strength and independence to be strong in a relationship, and I didn't have my own strength when I was with my ex-fiance. I learned to develop good habits for ME and not for someone else.

That reminded me of what you said, focusing on the relationship rather than yourself. My good habits were always for "the relationship" and never for myself. I think that was because I lacked confidence in myself. Like, I needed to be good for US but didn't deserve to be good for me.

This ended up way longer than I expected lol.